A Christmas in Azkaban
by shadowkat678
Summary: Hope is like a flickering candle. It can be snuffed out, but it can also be relit once again. It's the Christmas Eve before Sirius' escape and an unlikely encounter brings up memories of a happier time, a time he had forgotten long ago...


**Christmas in Azkaban****  
by: Shadowkat678**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Sirius, Azkaban, the Dementors, or anything else in the Potter universe. Though getting the ownership would be a great present, I doubt it is something I will receive anytime soon. Thank you for your time and please enjoy the story! At the bottom is a long A/N, and though it's not essential, I hope you'll read it. Enjoy!**

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_Footsteps, that means people, not the Dementors then. Not this time..._

A black hound lay huddled in the shadows at back corner of his cramped cell, nothing more than eight by eight feet, that barely had enough space for a human and only just enough room for a large dog. It reeked from the years of buildup sweat and grime on the floor and walls, and the screams of insanity could be heard echoing across the prison's stone corridors. This was only one of the many grim cells of Azkaban, and the dog was one of the most feared prisoners to be housed within its dreary walls.

Suddenly, the dog twitched and began changing. Its padded paws slowly turned into dirty hands and feet, its spine lengthened out and straightened, and what was before a large black hound now sat the skeletal figure of a man, drawn, gaunt face pale and wax like under black hair tangling down to his waist.

He shivered. It was cold that night, even colder than usual, and Sirius Black, prisoner of cell number 390, was almost tempted to drag himself to the sorry excuse for a _"bed"_ for if nothing else then to get under the course itchy fabric that only just passed for a thin blanket…but only almost.

Even in his dog form it was going to be a hard night for him, he knew, but he couldn't find the energy needed to move the few feet necessary to reach the other side of the cell. So he stayed, huddled against the wall, listening closely as the echoing steps drew closer.

They were almost to his cell before he could make out their words.

"What luck, eh Rick? Here we are patrolling Azkaban on Christmas Eve!" Sirius stared blankly at the wall opposite him, mind slowly processing what he'd just heard.

Christmas…had it already been another year? What did that make it then? Ten years? Eleven years? Twelve years? Sirius didn't know nor did he have the drive left to try and remember. No, he'd lost count too long ago to spend any remaining energy trying. Lying in that damp cell it seemed more like one-hundred years and everything good that had ever happened seemed so far away. Time was lost in Azkaban.

"Ya, and after Amanda invited everyone over for Christmas Eve dinner too. I can't believe we got stuck with this bloody job." Sirius Black breathed out slowly and watched as his breath turned to steam, drifting up into the stale prison air. One more year wasted, one more Christmas spent alone, and one more regret left to haunt him.

The footsteps halted in front of his bars and Sirius sighed softly, knowing what was coming before it ever began. He'd become used to it a long time ago. The looks shot at him from Azkaban's infrequent visitors, the taunts thrown, the way they laughed. Then again, he thought, it wasn't like they had any reason not to, not when they were on one side of the bars and he was stuck on the other that is.

Sirius leaned his head back against the cold stone wall and silently waited for it to begin. It was always the same, and it always would be. That wouldn't change just because tomorrow was Christmas. They didn't disappoint.

"Well, well, well if it isn't Sirius Black. I've heard a lot about you back home. Bet you're regretting what you did now, aren't you?" Sirius turned his head to look out the gray bars. He wasn't deft to the mocking tone, far from it really, but he didn't answer the taunt. He never did. It was just a game to them, and Sirius wasn't going to join in. He had enough sense left to know better than that. They weren't worth his breath.

His eyes slid slowly over the two faces, but he didn't recognize either of them. Not that it really mattered, of course. They were, Sirius noted, two young Aurors, wands lit to see through the dank darkness of the cold prison night. Neither one could've been a half day over twenty-five.

His gaze shifted between the two, studying them, seeing the lazy stances and inexperience that no long time Auror would ever be caught showing. One was a blond with ice-blue eyes that stood at about medium height with a pointed face that reminded Sirius keenly of a jackal while the other's hair was light brown and eyes hazel, shorter than average with a cocky air a bit too large for his size. They were new faces, quite possibly first timers to the prison.

Sirius almost wanted to laugh.

Those kids were going to be in for a long night, and chances were neither one would be half as cocky leaving the island as they were entering it. Sirius had seen much more experienced Aurors than those two walk by his cell's bars swearing up and down never to enter Azkaban's gates ever again. Not that he blamed them at all, but at least they had a choice about it.

Sirius was drawn out of his thoughts as the blonde chuckled. "So, did you hear the news? Your dear old mum finally decided to kick the bucket last month. Heart attack or something of the like, wasn't it John?"

The other Auror nodded. "Ya, at least, that's what the paper said anyway. Anything to say to that, murderer, or do you not care about her either? No different from the rest, right?" The man sneered through the door. The cockiness was gone, and all Sirius could see was disgust, the same disgust he always saw.

"I used to look up to you, did you know that? My brother was five years below you and your friends. He always told me how much he watched you, how different you were from your family, but now I see what you really are. You're just like the rest of your family. You deserve all you get _Black._ And to think you actually used to be one of us..." Sirius felt his jaw tighten, but he just turned away. He'd learned a long time ago that it was best not to give them any reaction, no matter how hard the blows hit home. That was exactly what they wanted. They'd leave soon, they always did. It was always the same...

Sure enough he heard them turn and go, footsteps bouncing off the halls and leaving him alone in the cold darkness once more.

He shifted, moving back further into the dark corner.

Sirius may never have liked his family, but at least he knew before that someone was still out there. Now, Sirius knew, he really was alone...

He turned his head to the small window, staring out to the overcast sky outside. The convict was both lucky and unlucky for having that there. For one thing, it was a link to the world most didn't have, not to mention fresh air...or as fresh as it got anyway. For another though, it also brought in more cold and that was the last thing he needed...

_'Christmas, what I'd do to go back to how it used to be…'_

He closed his gray eyes, instantly envisioning a candle-lit table full of Christmas dinner with all the Marauders gathered together around it at James' house, laughing as Lily chastised her new husband for setting off a dungbomb in the kitchen or some other thing of the like.

It was their second Christmas after leaving Hogwarts, and he remembered fondly sitting around the crackling fireplace, filled to the top stockings hanging cheerfully on the mantle as they exchanged gifts next to the brightly-lit Christmas tree. He could see all the green and red decorations, the holly and enchanted mistletoe, and the hastily wrapped presents sitting there, just waiting to be torn open the next morning in the warmth of the Potter's living room

For a second, he could have sworn it had gotten warmer as he thought, and he felt something, something new, and somehow, just for the briefest of moments, Sirius could almost make himself believe he back there, exactly how it used to be, how it was _supposed_ to be. He imagined telling wild stories from their Hogwarts days, sitting on the couch watching cheesy muggle Christmas movies with Lily, and planning the next great scheme with James and Remus around the kitchen table the moment Lily was out of earshot.

He remembered the time Lily got caught under the enchanted mistletoe with Remus, and let out a small laugh as he also remembered how James had almost punched his werewolf friend's teeth out for the peck he'd given the red head in order to escape from under the charmed plant, and the laughter that came from it.

Sirius smiled wistfully. It was his first smile in a very long time.

'_Merry Christmas mate...I miss you...'_

Then, Sirius was abruptly jerked back into reality, eyes shooting open as he felt the cold stones beneath his numb fingers. Out of nowhere, an all too familiar chill shot up his spine. He shut his eyes, hands clutching into fists at his sides as the room's temperature plummeted. The Dementors were coming...

Sirius tried desperately to cling on to the memories, to lock them away before they could be taken, but he knew it was a pointless fight.

_'No, not yet... Please, please not yet! I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it...please...just stop!_

But it was too late. Azkaban's guards had arrived. He felt the darkness grab at him, pulling as the creatures came nearer, and Sirius sucked in a sharp breath as he felt the coldness growing. Images changed, flashing through his mind rapidly as the brightly lit living room he'd seen before changed into the blazing wreckage of the Potters destroyed cottage, and the bright laughter in the hazel eyes of his best friend vanished into nothingness of death. He saw the thirteen burned bodies lying still in the rubble of the street as the man that he'd once called friend vanished and left him betrayed, and he heard his own mad laughter as he was chained, shackled, and dragged away.

The images stopped, and Sirius went slack, the small spark of happiness he'd only just begun to experience extinguishing like the flickering flames of Christmas candles as he slumped limply to the ground, darkness closing around him once again. As always, he welcomed it.

The hooded figures retreated from the prison cell as silently as they came, black cloaks bellowing as the iron door clanged shut, and behind them they left an innocent man, lying unconscious on the cold stone floor, the only sign he was alive at all the slow rise and fall of his chest. They had gotten what they'd come for. Their job was done.

One more Christmas gone, and one more moment of happiness crushed…but somehow Sirius would find it again, someday he would find himself back around a brightly-lit tree, laughing with people he'd give anything to protect, and one day he would have a merry Christmas after all, because hope, in the end, is like the flickering flame of a candle. It can always be put out, but it can also be relit...and somewhere, deep in the recesses of his mind, another small spark was slowly forming, just waiting for that last push to ignite into a flame...

Little did Sirius know that soon that one push would be coming...

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**A/N: (warning, very long, though I still would love you to read it.)**

**I know this was kind of dark for a Christmas fic, but I've been feeling sorry for Sirius as a character lately. Twelve long years on that island, holed up in a cell while the rest of the world was opening gifts and eating hot food with friends and family. And it's not just Sirius. There are plenty of people in real life cold and starving on the very holidays we're sitting here stuffing our faces. People hardly able to get by, and who, like Sirius, never deserved any of what they have to endure this holiday season.**

**I guess I wrote this fanfic to show that no matter how bad things are, there's always a little hope, and sometimes that hope is found in the most unlikely places. When the Aurors came, they weren't the nicest of people to be sure, but they gave Sirius something he never would have gotten had they not walked by. For the briefest of moments, he remembered more than the unfairness of his situation...they gave him something to hold on to.**

**The Dementors may have taken his happiness but he still held on to his hope, and that's what we should think about, hope. That even in this messed up time there's still hope left in the world.**

**It doesn't matter who you are or where you live, because at times we all feel like giving up, like we're empty inside, hollow, not caring what happens to us anymore. In this fic that was how he was feeling. I've always seen Azkaban as a sort of representation of this kind of stuff, and to me Sirius has always been the one who represents those who fight it.**

**I admire Sirius so much for many reasons, but the reason I admire him most is that he was put through more than anyone should ever be expected to go through...and he still fought.**

**He wasn't the only character either: there's Snape who risked his life every day as a spy, Dumbledore who helped so many people in his long life, Harry who had the world put on his shoulders and still held his head high. There's also Remus, Tonks and so many other characters that inspire as well.**

**Those characters have touched the lives of so many people around the globe. So what if we continued the message they sent us in those books, but instead spreading it right here in real life? If seven books touched so many people, me among them, who else could we touch as a community? This stuff isn't just found on a storybook page. Words have power, and that's one of the reasons I write. Yes, it's a story, but to so many it's also so much more. I don't think even J.K. could have imagined the effect and meaning of these books when she wrote them, but never the less they are there.**

**I know it sounds crazy to feel so much for a fictional character, but in all honesty sometimes I see more reality in their life stories then in the real world where there's always so much more fake then there is real, and instead look at a character like Sirius. He's taught me so much more than all the singers we seem to idolize so much who do nothing but send messages out to us about having a bunch of wild parties in clubs and getting drunk. And we choose these people as our role models?**

**This Christmas, we should think of all those people out there who are fighting all on their own and we need to stop for one short moment and just marvel at what they've survived. To the soldiers, the single parents, the survivors, the bullied, and everyone else who has to make it on their own.**

**I'll stop now before I ramble any longer, but if nothing else I hope you think of those people and I have a challenge for you, whoever you are. If you see someone this season that needs that extra push to keep going then I ask you to be the person who ignites that spark, because one spark is all you need to make a flame. Merry Christmas to all of you and I wish everyone luck for the next coming year!**

**~Shadowkat678**


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